Butterflies and Chocolate
by xYukixTenshix
Summary: After denying a drinking offer, Hitsugaya's life becomes a full-blown nightmare. Find out what crazy antics are in store for the poor captain... "He has no one to blame but himself!"
1. And So It Begins

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any of the characters. I only own Sayuri and her crazy antics.**

**A/N: After you read Chapter One, there is no specific order in which you must read the story. Just a collection of craziness. (They are meant to be short**!)

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"Captain!" came the cheery voice of Rangiku Matsumoto. Hitsugaya Toshiro's busty lieutenant slid the door of his office open. Her eyes were bright and she had an enormous smile on her face, stretching from ear-to-ear. The tenth division lieutenant was breathing rapidly, obviously in a hurry. Or rather, _had_ been in a hurry- to get here, anyway.

"Shit... what's going on, Matsumoto?" Hitsugaya asked, his voice full of annoyance and his expression incredibly irritated. Matsumoto closed her eyes in pure glee, and stepped aside. There, behind his lieutenant, was a short girl. Her hair was oddly a mixture of browns, light and dark, and reached down to her waist. Hazel-gold eyes stared widely at Hitsugaya, and she smiled a huge grin.

"This is Sayuri! She's the newest member of the tenth division!" Matsumoto announced in a voice that screamed with ecstasy. Hitsugaya found nothing wrong with the girl, but in the pit of his stomach he got a nagging feeling. The short female, Sayuri, put a hand in the air and waved at her new captain. Her eyes caught Hitsugaya's attention, but he couldn't really say why. There was genuine bliss in her eyes, but something else was being hidden.

"And...?" Hitsugaya inquired, with a glance at Matsumoto. The lieutenant blinked, and said,

"Isn't she the cutest? Sayuri is my new... DRINKING BUDDY!"

"Oh Dear God...." muttered the captain. Not another drunk.

"Ne, ne, Captain!" the girl exclaimed, walking into the office. She looked around the working room, a bored expression overcoming her gleeful one. She was not pleased. Not pleased at all.

"What do you need?" Hitsugaya asked warily. The girl stared directly at her captain, the most serious and mature look on the young Sayuri's face.

"This room is booooooooooring! You should let me spice things up a bit."

The girl had her original smile back on, and her eyes sparkled with a mischievous glint. Hitsugaya looked away from the girl and turned his glare on Matsumoto, an eyebrow raised in question.

"What?" Rangiku asked.

"Why'd you bring her? I have work to do," he answered.

"She came from Soi Fon's squad, and said she was kicked out because she was too _bubbly_."

"That's right!" Sayuri butted into the conversation, suddenly next to Hitsugaya. He hadn't heard or felt her come near, but she was right there, at his side. It left him shocked.

"Captain! Didn't you hear what Matsu-chi said? I'm from the second division! Stealth is our specialty," she finished with a smile after seeing his surprised look. His eyes were stoic once more, and he scooted away from the strange girl. He felt uncomfortable so close to her...

"You're working? You should come drinking with me and Matsu-chi!" Sayuri suggested with a hopeful look and tone. Hitsugaya glared at his new subordinate, his thoughts in "WTF" mode.

"I'd rather not."

"Ohhh! Come on!"

"...No."

"Pleeeeeease!"

"No."

"...I..." she had an eerie note in her voice, "I'll make your life hell if you don't go."

"...Absolutely not."

Sayuri sighed, and closed her eyes in exasperation. She waved a hand in the air, disappointment written on her face.

"You have no one to blame but yourself for what's coming, Captain."

"..."

"C'mon Matsu-chi!"

Rangiku looked at the girl with a questioning look, but smiled at her captain and followed Sayuri out of the office.

"Bye, Captain!"

Hitsugaya watched as they closed the door behind them, and an ominous feeling arose in the pit of his gut. Something told him that these next few months weren't going to be very fun.

* * *

"Ne, Sayuri-chan... What did you mean when you told Captain that?"

The short, new, tenth division member giggled and waved a hand in the air.

"You'll see, you'll see!"

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**Oh no! What kind of horrors await our beloved tenth division captain now? Find out next week with "Butterflies and Chocolate"**


	2. The Growing Box

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any of the characters. I only own Sayuri and her craziness.

A/N: After you read Chapter One, there is no specific order in which you must read the story. Just a collection of craziness. (**They are meant to be short**!)

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Hitsugaya sat in his office, doing.... Can you guess?... THAT'S RIGHT! Paperwork! Again! Boo~ You suck, Toshiro... No, not really; there was work to be done, and Matsumoto nor Sayuri were around to help him. Not that they ever were... Although, he had found out that Sayuri, when _forced_ to work, was quite capable. Annoying, but capable.

Hitsugaya heard the door to his office open slightly, and looked up. A crack to the hall was visible, but no one was there.

"Geez..." he got up and walked to the door, sliding it open and looking around. By the wall, Sayuri was crouched down, staring at him. Her eyes were wide, observing and mysterious. Hitsugaya took a step back, shocked by her creepy expression.

"W-What do you need Sayuri?"

"You are...." she said in an oddly disturbing voice. She didn't finish her sentence, but those two words made Hitsugaya's stomach churn in wariness.

"I'm what?" he asked.

"You are... so **short****."**

A vein in his forehead pulsed as he clenched his fist and ground his teeth together.

"And who the hell are you to talk?!"

"But I only recently came to the Soul Society. I've grown two inches in the past year... But you... you have not!"

Sayuri stood up and her face went from creepy-disturbing to incredibly sympathetic. Hitsugaya took another step back, putting a hand up to defend himself lest she do anything. And suddenly she was on him, her arms wrapped around him in a big hug.

"W-What are you doing?! Get off!"

"But they say lack of love and friends makes you stop growing! Along with imbalanced hormones!"

"What the hell are you talking about?! Get off me already!!"

Hitsugaya struggled with the girl, but no matter what he did he could not release himself from her grip. At last, she pulled away, and examined him up and down. A look of disappointment came over her expression, and she sighed.

"I was hoping not to resort to this, but..."

Hitsugaya watched her carefully and anticipated anything she might do. But she pulled out a white box with a blue stripe on the side.

"Here."

"What is it?"

"It's something I saw on the television."

"But what does it do?" Hitsugaya asked as he took the box, still wary of Sayuri.

"The commercial says it's supposed to help you grow. Good luck, Captain!"

She put her right hand to her forehead, and saluted, before running down the hall with a mischievous smile. Hitsugaya glanced down at the box, that read:

**VIAGRA**

"Natural male enhancement!" the box read. Hitsugaya blushed and dropped the box, his fist already clenched in rage and embarrassment.

"SAYURI!"

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**Eeheehee!! I hope you liked it... More to come! Please review. Thank you for reading!**


	3. Hormonal Imbalance

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any of the characters. I only own Sayuri and her crazy antics.

A/N: After you read Chapter One, there is no specific order in which you must read the story. Just a collection of craziness. (**They are meant to be short**!)

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"Hey, I'll be back, Captain!" called out Sayuri.

"If you don't come back in five minutes you'll get triple Matsumoto's paperwork," Hitsugaya warned. Sayuri sighed and waved her hand in the air nonchalantly.

"Where are you getting so much paperwork, Captain? Do you pull it out of your ass or something?"

"Sayuri..."

But the young, hazel-eyed girl had already left. Hitsugaya sighed and glared at Matsumoto.

"This is your fault," he stated bluntly. Matsumoto blinked sadly.

"Captain! You can't blame your problems on other people!"

"Ehh.. whatever."

Matsumoto giggled, and within three minutes, Sayuri was back with a huge, dopey grin on her face. Her hazel-gold eyes sparkled, and she held a large cup in her hands.

"Guess what, Captain?"

He didn't answer, not wanting to know. But Sayuri threw the cup, _his_ cup, at him. How the hell had she gotten that?! Hitsugaya glared at Sayuri, but caught the cup to prevent it from breaking. He heard something inside clatter against the sides of the cup, and peered inside.

"What's the meaning of this Sayuri?" he asked, finding ice cubes inside. Sayuri sighed and stated,

"You need hormonal balance in your system to grow properly! So I got you a girlfriend."

Hitsugaya didn't get it at first, but Matsumoto fell off the couch with laughter, clutching her stomach and tears threatening to spill over from her snickering. Then the short captain realized Sayuri was calling the _ice_ his _girlfriend_.

"Sayuri!" he shouted, his face tinted with a blush.

Matsumoto and Sayuri were on the floor of his office, rolling around with laughter, hooting things like,

"Get some!" and "Oooh, Captain!"

He threw the cup of ice at the young female, and she easily dodged it, still laughing too hard to care.

"Oh, st-stop! You're su- hahaha- such a- hahaha- ICE queen!" Sayuri managed to say through her giggling fit. Of course, this only resorted in more laughter from the two immature girls.

"ICE! Hahaha! Ice queen! Drama queen! Hahaha!!!" Rangiku was wheezing between sucks of air. Sayuri managed to control herself somewhat, and crawled on the floor towards the ice. Her eyes became wide, and she started to shout,

"MURDER! You insensitive jerk! You killed your own girlfriend! MURDER! MURDER IN THE HIGHEST DEGREE!" Sayuri couldn't keep a straight face anymore and burst out into another laughing fit. Matsumoto was in tears, crackling her amusement and trying to find air.

"Idiots!" Hitsugaya puffed and stormed out of the office. On his way out, he stepped on an ice cube, while it cracked under him. Sayuri gasped and yelled,

"MURDER!" once more before Hitsugaya slammed the door.

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**I never thought Hitsu would be a criminal! The horror, the horror! T.T**


End file.
